I wanted to talk a little bit about a comment that was left on an older post of mine and I hope the original poster doesn’t mind if I do it in this fashion, but I didn’t want it to get left in the waste land of old posts.
I knew marrying a foreigner was going to be difficult, of course, being the offspring of a British man and an American woman. Well, in fact, I think common sense would dictate that to anyone. I think sometimes I would have been slightly more prepared for the culture shock if I had fallen for someone from North Korea or Pakistan or some other equally exotic place with values plainly different to that of America.
I was not expecting our relationship to be stigmatized and yes, despite what my Dane is going to say to me after reading this, it most certainly is in perhaps a round about or mostly unspoken way. Danish men who marry foreigners are seen in a different light; no one is shouting profanities at them on the street, but there is there ever present feeling of “traitor” or “misogynist” that seems to silently fill the empty space. I’ve always wondered if women weren’t thinking “is he not man enough for Danish women?” It is your job as foreign wife to detect these subtleties and beware that such little “pokes” at your lifestyle, relationship, culture, and ethnic heritage are likely an indicator that said Danish person does not respect you and probably thinks very little of you.
Will your marriage to a Dane survive this? Probably depends a lot on you and a lot on the Dane in question. For us, Danish culture didn’t really rip us apart in any way. We are both pretty strong in our conservative views, not into drinking or partying, and mostly just into creating a nice home and family life, so a lot of the outside influences could be shut down or ignored. I can tell you that many of the Danes I’ve met in America are married to Danes and for good reason.
Family – I know this has been said elsewhere on other blogs, but what had recently become the biggest issue in our relationship is one I thought we’d never have. I thought I had the perfect in-laws, but that was until one of them decided to turn on me. I still love my husband’s parents and how sweet they were to my daughter and I have no problem with them and I think everyone else in the Dane’s family was nice, but I saw the warning signs before I left Denmark and it exploded once we were stateside. I think you can expect that if you are going to take one of the Danes away from their tribe and their homeland, someone is going to HATE you for it and think you manipulated the Dane into doing it, because who would want to leave.
If you’ve got a good Dane, he/she will tell said family member “that’s too bad cupcake, deal with it”. Well, let’s hope you’ve got a good one.
I want to talk about some of the other things at some point, but that will have to be it for now.
I’ve had the opportunity to look at several Danish language books and especially useless are the travel ones because as you probably know everyone who works in a train station, hotel, or restaurant speaks English to some degree.
So what can be difficult to translate and should of course be learned are some of the following (not an all inclusive list, but rather a sampling):
Hvad er der galt? What is wrong?
Du lyver. You’re lying.
Hold op med at lyve. Stop lying.
Laver du sjov med mig? Are you kidding me? (I was looking for Are you teasing me?, but like many of the things I want to translate directly into Danish it does not work. Case in point: Du er min solskin sounds very “stupid” to my Dane)
Det tvivler jeg på. I doubt it.
Glem det. Forget it.
Jeg er snart færdig. I’ll finish soon.
Er du færdig? Are you finished?
Jeg vil ikke tale med dig. I don’t want to talk to you.
Sænk farten. Slow down.
Du skuffer mig. You disappoint me.
Vil du slås? Do you want to fight?
Jeg slår dig ihjel. I will kill you. (Maybe not the best thing to learn in Danish, but at least you know what it means if someone says it to you).
Tilgiv mig. Forgive me.
For a while because my Macbook died and the Dane is super busy at work, I don’t think we will be able to do a youtube video of it, but we will certainly try.
In the mean time, I will share this with the hopes that you can understand what living with a Dane is like as he repeatedly attempts to get me to identify vowels by sound
This week has been both a good and a bad week in this blogger’s household in terms of food consumption. I had decided to start baking bread on a more regular basis and the Dane wanted me to try some new recipes that he picked out. To that end, I got my very early Christmas and birthday gift of a Kitchenaid Artisan stand mixer true to the Danish tradition of picking your own gifts out. I am very much in love with it and since its purchase I have made a loaf of soda bread, four loaves of anchor bread (a Swedish recipe from a bread cookbook), and cookies.
Soda Bread recipe that I recommend: Grandma McAndrews’ Irish Soda Bread Recipe – Allrecipes.com
The stand mixer performs very well so far, so no complaints, and has definitely eased my ability to make bread by basically taking out the kneading process. I do like kneading from time to time, but it is messy and certainly does take time away from an already busy day.
I tried my hand at make a “root mash” side from a Swedish recipe last night that consists of about a pound of parsnips, some carrots, and some potatoes. I don’t know if I just can’t tolerate parsnips or mashed carrots, but it did not go over well with my stomach or taste buds. The Dane and my mother ate it just fine and my mother actually loved it, so perhaps it was just me.
Tonight I think I am trying pork potato dumplings for the Dane. I’m not sure how confident I am feeling with these new recipes (especially the Scandinavian ones), but I will try it none the less.
As to other things, I still have not ovulated with the Clomid and if it doesn’t happen in the next 3 days, I’m going to call this Clomid moving up my ovulation a failure. The hot flashes, headaches, and other side effects are also not exactly making me feel great.
The FHA inspection for our buyers is on Friday and I am really hoping that this set of buyers works, especially because we sold the sofa!
Rugbrød is a staple in, dare I say, all Danish households and it is the foundation for most pieces of Smørrebrød (open-faced sandwiches) whether it be the elaborate pieces bought in restaurants or the common pieces found in the daily Danish lunch box. What makes Rugbrød super healthy is that it is very low in fat, has no oils, no sugars and it is typically loaded with whole grain and fiber.
For my entire time I was in Denmark, I wanted to buy these Else Jacobsen boots. I’d see them in the store windows, but they were prohibitively expensive and my cheap Bilka rainboots were fine at the time. So, when I was them in America for a fraction of the price I just had to get them and I love them.
I also found that once I had come back that my dad’s headstone had been put up. When we had buried his ashes the area had no headstones yet, so I almost couldn’t find it when I went back. This past year has been a tough one without my dad. I still miss talking to him and clearing out his house has been difficult.
I just finished up my clomid for this cycle a couple of days ago. I am hoping that it is the answer to our problems because despite us very much wanting another child or two or three, I don’t know if I could cope with IVF failing as well.
It has been a little over a year since we’ve been married and we’ve been through so much together. I think we do have a pretty great marriage, at least compared to the other ones I’ve seen up close. I never in my life thought I could love another person as much as I love the Dane.
On a related note, a lot of people have been linking this http://www.huffingtonpost.com/seth-adam-smith/marriage-isnt-for-you_b_4209837.html around and frankly I’m not sure how this wasn’t ridiculously obvious before someone got married? Of course marriage is about making your spouse happy, who would want to marry someone who only thought about their own happiness?
I love agricultural fairs and it was a unique treat I discovered when I originally moved to New England more than 5 years ago.
The one that we went to this year had country music concerts, truck pulls, all sort of animal showcases, etc.
Also on the parking lot on the way in we found this truck. Yes, it is covered in duct tape. Only in America, right?