The Little Dane is going to be a year old soon (how the heck did that happen?) and finally at about 11 months into breastfeeding, my fertility has maybe returned. I was hoping that by this point I’d be about 12 lbs lighter than I am now as a good starting point to trying for another kid, although I am smaller than I was pre-pregnancy, but I’m going to be 30 years old in less than a year and the clock is ticking away for more kids.
It is a weird position to be in having had secondary infertility and then going back to try for another. Will it take us 2 or 3 years this time? How many miscarriages will there be along the way? Can I do this without metformin?
I think of the logistics of it this summer with traveling back to Scandinavia and then to New England and what that looks like if I were early in a pregnancy – I am kind of hoping that I don’t get pregnant for a while yet, but don’t really have the luxury of putting it off. It must be easy to be able to just decide when would be a convenient time to get pregnant.
Some other things that whirl around in my mind about this are that I’m still not freaking done with my degree. Not done after starting at 17, not done 12 years later. Soon I’m going to have spent more years of my life in university rather than not which is just ridiculous. There is no reliable or available daycare for the fall semester and I just can’t even begin to fathom the thought of putting a child we tried so hard for in the hands of someone who is not beyond amazing. Spoiler alert: no one is amazing enough. Hand in hand with that is a feeling of guilt that I place all this financial burden on my husband for the two kids we have now and maybe the one or two more. Sometimes I think he would have a better life with a working wife, or rather a Danish wife, who’d be content with two kids and had a career. He must have gotten the short straw.