Don’t even ask how I ventured across this, but, voila:
Scandinavians are very different in terms of expression of emotions, they are reserved. Russian women are emotional. To make them happy, you often have to tell them that they are the best, the most beautiful, the most beloved. And men have to back it up with their actions, not to mention financially. Scandinavians are known for their restraint and stinginess. They are not suited for the Russian temperament. […] Scandinavians tend to be straightforward and stick to the rules, so they try to take away children because children are the most important thing.
Are Danes plain with their words? Yeppers. Are they avid rule followers? Yes. Do kids in mixed marriages tend to go to the Dane in custody cases? Yes. Can the Danes kick foreign divorced spouses out the country? You betcha. One of the saving graces and a huge scam loophole in the American system is that once you get a greencard, you are basically here if you don’t commit a felony. We are about to remove conditions on my husband permanent residency, a process he could do on his own if we divorced before 2 years or I died, and after that there is nothing at all standing in the way of of a legal permanent resident staying in the country, regardless of divorce. This is fair on several levels to the immigrant – there is less incentive to stay in abusive marriages, children born to the couple get to have both parents in the same country, and the sacrifices of moving to another country are acknowledged. Well, don’t expect those considerations if you marry a Dane.
I do find the Danes as a whole to be restrained, exceptionally so, and also stingy with compliments, albeit not with money.
Are American women as a whole more or less emotional than Russian women? That I can’t really quantify, but let’s say for argument sake we are about the same. I think for me personally and probably for a lot of American women, being married to a typical Dane is going to be emotionally hard. My husband is wonderful, he truly is, but he is no American, that is for sure. Many times, I find myself in a position that I know he’s not trying to be hurtful or rude, but the word usage is so curt and slicing that I can’t help but feel hurt. Hurt that he doesn’t talk to me in the gentler way that I’m used to Americans talking, especially the way that American men speaking to women, etc. Sometimes I feel like I’m being spoken to as if I’m his annoying kid brother or something, which for him, as we’ve talked this to death, is a sign of our closeness. If he had to put on a polite front and curb his language it would be a signal that we were drifting apart.
I don’t know how other Scando-American couples deal with this, but for us it is obviously trying to find a middle ground in which he is less curt and I am more understanding of it. I don’t think we are quite there yet.
And a knocked up American wife update – NT scan went well, they moved up my due date so I’m now 14 weeks. Oh and I threw up in the car this morning, while driving. Magical. I’m not so much afraid of losing it right now, but it still doesn’t feel REAL. I feel like I don’t belong in the fertile girl world or the infertile one. Despite it taking 23 months for us, because we didn’t do IVF and our IUI didn’t work, it is like infertile world = ART pregnancies and fertile world = natural pregnancies. Also, my husband keeps vetoing my Slytherin nursery plans. I painted the room emerald green like a month before we got pregnant, I am not painting it back. I also really don’t like cutesy nurseries. Yes, Slytherin/HP themed nursery, Yes?